Toilet Rules for Shared Living
Here are a few tips on how to use the toilet when living with other people. Normally, this kind of thing goes without saying but, alas, some of us didn’t have the necessary home training when we were living with our parents. So that’s what I’m here for. I’ve compiled a few tips and pointers on toilet etiquette.
- Use a landing zone. Lay down layers of toilet paper before you take a dump. No one wants to hear the “plop” sound of your poo hitting the water in the toilet. We’d like to go through our afternoon without the knowledge of you relieving yourself, thanks very much. Also, using a landing zone helps to prevent skid marks, which brings us on to the next point….
- Clean up your mess. While gross, leaving skid marks whilst doing a poo has been known to happen. You can’t control where it lands so it’s totally okay. What’s not okay is just leaving the skid marks around the bowl. There are actually human beings who do this, can you imagine?! If you leave skid marks please, please, please for the love of God use the brush to clean them off.
- Do not piss on the floor. Guys, I’m talking to you. You have hands, use them. I really can’t understand why some of us guys miss the target. The toilet is BIG, it’s WHITE and you’re standing like 10 Centimetres away from it. If it so happens that you’re wasted and can’t control yourself fully, then I’m afraid you’re gonna have to get down on your hands and knees and clean it up. Being drunk is no excuse for leaving urine splashes on the floor or on the toilet lid.
- Be Silent. It’s amazing how many people let out these almost erotic, orgasmic moans whilst doing the simple act of easing oneself. If you’re one of these people, I want you to get up, go look in the mirror and ask “what’s wrong with me?” It’s fair enough if you live alone, but my goodness if you live with other human beings why oh why would you think your roommate wants to know how awesome your current episode of defecation is?
- Wash your hands. Personal hygiene is a must when sharing a place with someone. There’s nothing worse than hearing someone enter the bathroom, piss, flush and then just leave without washing their hands. You’ve just been in, statistically speaking, the filthiest room in the house, touching your genitals and the toilet handle and you’re not gonna wash your hands? That alone should be an offense worthy of eviction.